Yes, Brooks Gibbs is connected to Izzy Kalman

For more background, see my previous posts.  Basically, Brooks and Izzy claim to have the real solution to bullying – fix the victims.  It’s hogwash.

But, now, it’s transitioned into lies.

A local Lincoln newspaper, when discussing the rules sent home to parents, connected the flyer to Brooks Gibbs.  There is a connection, but despite that, the paper published this “correction”:

Brook Gibbs, a youth motivational speaker, did not co-author a book with national bullying expert Izzy Kalman and said he does not teach any of the rules included in a flier inadvertently distributed to Zeman Elementary fifth-graders this week. An earlier version of this story incorrectly said Gibbs co-wrote a book with Kalman.

This correction needs a correction.

Here’s some facts:

Brooks Gibbs and Izzy Kalman are Closely Connected.

Brooks Gibbs is the President of the Kalman Institute for Bullying Prevention.  (Source)

Brooks Gibbs is a youth crisis counselor and bullying expert. He is the president of the Kalman Research Institute for Bullying Prevention and the national spokesman for the Office Depot Foundation’s “Be the Difference, Speak Up Against Bullying” program in partnership with the band One Direction. He will be speaking in Boca Raton on Monday, October 7 from 7:00 to 8:30 p.m. at the Office Depot Headquarters.

President of the Kalman Research Institute for Bullying Prevention? I could suppose that might not have any relationship to Izzy Kalman but I suspect I’d be wrong.

Gibbs teaches Kalman’s rules.

Maybe he doesn’t call them rules.  But he teaches the same subject matter with the same problems.

From a video now scrubbed from Brooks Gibbs’ website where he used the Kalman Bullying Prevention Program, he teaches, for instance, Rule 9 from the Nebraska brochure sent home with kids:

Rule #9: Learn to laugh at yourself and not get “hooked” by put-downs. Make a joke out of it or agree with the put-downs. For example:

“If you think I’m ugly, you should see my sister!”

“You’re right, and it’s going to get worse!”

“I’ve know (sic) that for a long time.”

“Thanks for noticing!”

“If you think I look like a nerd, you should see my dad!”

The “examples” given are what the victim should say back to his bully.

Here’s a transcript of Brooks giving “Lesson 8: Jokes” from a video that used to appear on Brook’s website (but was scrubbed this week):

Hi, this is Brooks Gibbs and today I’m going to teach you how to respond to jokes.  Jokes are always making fun of something or someone. If you lose a game, don’t get up-tight and say, “No fair, YOU GUYS CHEATED!” If someone jokes on you say (sic) “No fair, that hurts my feelings.”

If you’re on the losing end of a game or of a joke or an insult, lose well. Because nobody likes a sore loser. Take a joke about yourself. Even make a joke about yourself.

Believe it or not, insults are very fun. Compliments on the other hand are never funny. You will never hear a funny compliment. “Hi, you are really a good friend.” (Brooks gives a fake laugh) That’s not funny. That’s not funny at all. What’s funny is insults. When someone insults you. The only way a compliment is funny is if it is said with sarcasm really meaning the opposite then which is made to be an insult.

Insults are healthy. An emotionally healthy student will be able to take a joke about themselves and even make a joke about themselves. It’s important to know that. Humor is always at someone’s expense. So here’s some friendly advice: If someone is making fun of you, calling you a je..calling you names, trying to joke with you. Or lets say you lose at a game, you are playing baseball or something like that, and you lose. And people are making fun of some sort of move you made or something. Here’s what is important to remember. Um, lose well. Because nobody likes a sore loser. Lose well. Be on the losing end of a joke.

(at this point he shows a skit from a Jimmy Kimmel TV show about home video of kids being told that their parent(s) ate all their Halloween candy)

Take a joke well. (there is more stuff here comparing losing a sports game to verbal insults, and being upset about being insulted to being “up tight”)

(Then you see a slide entitled “The Golden Rule Game with Izzy Kalman”, followed by the below)

(Izzy is talking now) I’m going to have a whole group insult me. The first time I’m going to treat them like enemies.

(it’s Izzy and a bunch of kids now. The kids yell insults at Izzy, with Izzy screaming and acting in the stereotypical way a special needs student might respond, complete with an “accent” that sounds something like “Rain Man”)

(Izzy speaking now):Isn’t this kind of fun (kids agree).  Good.  If I do this are you going to want to stop making fun of me?

Watch again. This time, I will treat the whole group as friends.

(kid): Fat
(Izzy): Uh, ya. I could lose a few pounds, right?
(kid): (unintelligible)
(Izzy): You’re talking about my glasses, right? You don’t need glasses?
(kid): (unintelligible)
(Izzy): I know, I know… (and similar affirmation of the insults, then it moves into Izzy asking the kids making fun of his clothing where he should buy his clothes, apparently to look cool)

So even if a whole group makes fun of you, don’t get upset. Treat them like friends and they’ll quickly get tired of making fun of you.

(it goes back to Brooks, who then laughs about how his asthma was a disability, saying he felt like a loser and didn’t lose well)

It goes on for a bunch of other stuff, but you get the point. It sure sounds like Rule #9. And this isn’t an isolated rule he happens to teach. He teaches all 9.

Gibbs Did Write a Book with Kalman

At the very least, they wrote The Golden Rule Solution to Bullying – Teacher’s Guideby Izzy Kalman, Brooks Gibbs, and Shelly Beach (who lists in her bio on the first page of the book (at least the E-book preview online), that she is “married to a retired school superintendent” – apparently that is the same as being qualified).

The book is ISBN 978-0-9914012-0-8.

It is Copyright 2014 by Golden Rule Multimedia.

So this is not ancient history. 2014 is pretty recent.

While Shelly gets credit for the book in the book, she doesn’t in the now-scrubbed Brooks Gibbs webpage (Google Cache).

From the author descriptions, Izzy trains the professionals while Brooks trains the students:

Izzy Kalman

Izzy Kalman is a Nationally Certified School Psychologist who has been working in schools and private practice since 1978. He has developed fun and effective methods that use role playing to teach basic psychological principles for solving bullying, aggression and relationship problems. He has trained more than 50,000 mental health professionals how to protect kids from bullies and reform America’s failing anti-bully movement.

Brooks Gibbs

Brooks Gibbs is a youth crisis counselor and bullying expert. He is the author of the best selling book “Love Is Greater Than Hate”. He presents more than 300 school assembly programs each year and is considered a master teacher of the Golden Rule.

 

More Lies

This is from Brooks Gibbs, in response to someone on Twitter asking about the flyer:

From: @BrooksGibbs – Apr 17
@PegAKeller I had nothing to do with the LPS flyer fiasco. I’m not the author. I’ve never worked with that school. Be well.

What exactly is the “fiasco?” Perhaps that people wrongly don’t like it? Or that you aren’t associated with it? I’m not going to answer that – I’m going to answer the other part of that, the “I’ve never worked with that school.”

I’ve Never Worked with that School

Maybe not that school.

But certainly other Lincoln Public Schools.  From a Lincoln Public Schools web article about a visit to Lefler Middle School (another school in the same district as Zeman Elementry School, the school involved in the “flier fiasco”):

The next day, internationally-known speaker Brooks Gibbs told Lefler students a similar message with a different twist: Treat the bullies with kindness, and understand not everyone is going to want to be your friend.

About his own youth experiences, Gibbs humorously said, “The more they would make fun of me, the more upset I would get and the wierder I would look and the more fun they would have.”

So Lefler students recited, “Don’t get upset” back to Gibbs over and over again.

There will always be bullying, he said. Schools, workplaces, homes and about anywhere else you go, someone will try to make you feel bad.

Here’s the schedule from the Office Depot Foundation website – Lefler wasn’t the only Lincoln school he spoke at:

9/04/2013 4 Kilgore ISD Kilgore TX 1455
9/04/2013 1 Carthage ISD Carthage TX 421
9/05/2013 3 Fruitvale ISD, Edgewood ISD,
Grand Saline ISD
Fruitvale/Edgewood,
Grand Saline
TX 582
9/05/2013 1 Van ISD Van TX 538
9/09/2013-
9/10/2013
4 Beeville ISD Beeville TX 1300
9/10/2013 2 Mathis ISD Mathis TX 382
9/11/2013 3 Zachary Middle School San Antonio TX 1000
9/11/2013 2 Rawlison Middle School San Antonio TX 763
9/13/2013 3 Smart Middle School Walled Lake MI 1020
9/13/2013 2 Millenium Middle School South Lyon MI 850
9/17/2013 3 North Andover Middle School North Andover MA 1088
9/17/2013 1 Wood Hill Middle School Andover MA 400
9/18/2013 3 Dedham Middle School Dedham MA 700
9/20/2013 1 Greenfield Middle School Greenfield MA 500
9/24/2013 2 Hauppauge Middle School Hauppauge NY 640
9/24/2013 1 North Shore Hebrew Academy Great Neck NY 180
9/25/2013 3 Garfield Middle School Garfield NY 951
9/25/2013 1 Our Lady Queen of Peace Staten Island NY 330
9/25/2013 1 St. Claires School Staten Island NY
9/26/2013 4 Crossroads Middle School North
(South)
South Brunswick NJ 2200
9/27/2013 3 Conewagon Valley School District New Oxford PA 1300
10/1/2013 1 Raymond Middle School Raymond NE 185
10/1/2013 1 Seward Middle School Seward NE 403
10/1/2013 1 Crete Middle School Crete NE 501
10/1/2013 1 Norris Middle School Norris NE 497
10/2/2013 1 Scott Middle School Lincoln NE 200
10/2/2013 1 Goodrich Middle School Lincoln NE 250
10/2/2013 1 Lux Middle School Lincoln NE 1000
10/2/2013 1 Lefler Middle School Lincoln NE 500
10/2/2013 1 Culler Middle School Lincoln NE 670
10/3/2013 1 Milford High School Milford MI 359
10/8/2013 3 Omni Middle School Boca Raton FL 1500
10/9/2013 3 Estridge Middle School Boca Raton FL 1500
10/17/2013 2 Timber Ridge Middle School Plainfield IL
10/18/2013 2 Channahon School District Channahon IL 500
10/18/2013 1 St. Phillip the Apostle Catholic School Addison IL 150
10/21/2013 5 Racine ISD Racine WI 2600
10/22/2013 2 Pilgrim Park Middle School Elm Grove WI 800
10/25/2013 2 Highlander Middle School Howell MI 900
10/25/2013 2 Parker Middle School Howell MI 850
10/28/2013 1 Walled Lake West High School Walled Lake MI
10/29/2013 2 Geisler Middle School Walled Lake MI 850
11/4/2013 3 Carmel Valley MS San Diego CA
11/5/2013 2 Hillsdale MS El Cajon CA
11/6/2013 3 Woodland Park MS Escondido CA
11/7/2013 3 Meadowbrook MS Poway CA
11/12/2013 1 Kennedy MS Stockton CA
11/12/2013 1 Hong Kingston MS Stockton CA
11/12/2013 1 Bush MS Stockton CA
11/12/2013 1 Rio MS Stockton CA
11/13/2013 1 Washtington MS Stockton CA
11/13/2013 1 McKinley MS Stockton CA
11/13/2013 1 Stockton Skills MS Stockton CA
11/13/2013 1 Hoover MS Stockton CA
11/14/2013 1 King MS Stockton CA
11/14/2013 1 Marshall/Taylor MS Stockton CA
11/14/2013 1 El Dorado/PYA Stockton CA
11/14/2013 1 El Dorado MS Stockton CA
11/15/2013 1 Van Buren Stockton CA
11/15/2013 1 Hamilton/Monroe Stockton CA
11/15/2013 1 Madison MS Stockton CA
11/15/2013 1 Pittman MS Stockton CA
11/20/2013 2 Linden Middle School Linden MI
11/21/2013 2 Mt. Morris Junior High School Mt. Morris MI
11/22/2013 2 Sarah Banks Middle School Wixom MI 850
11/22/2013 2 East Middle School Farmington Hills MI 950

There’s more.

Izzy is going full damage control, complete with a messiah complex (we don’t understand his message, apparently, and are thus unethically crucifying LPS and Izzy – interesting that the word “fiasco” is used, just as Brooks used, to describe the response to the flyer) and Brooks is frantically scrubbing his online videos, schedules, and website. But we’ve come to expect nothing less from people caught in lies.

It’s fine to hold an unpopular (and even wrong) view, but the cover-up and hiding is disingenuous at best. At worst, it’s a huge violation of the Golden Rule and the philosophy of personal responsibility espoused by Izzy and Brooks.

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